How many rewards are too many rewards?

A recent article in the New York Times talks about the practice of parents to use "bribing" to get their kids to behave in public, sleep in their beds at night and be potty trained. Early Childhood Professionals worry that this may be sending the wrong message to the child. It is one thing for a parent to reward behavior that is above and beyond normal expectations but are parents who bribe their children to simply act in an acceptable manner doing their children a disservice?

The professionals urge parents to get away from material rewards like video games, toys, clothes and food and focus on "rewards" such as a star for every night the child stays in his own bed or brushes her teeth without a fight. They also suggest that parents reward their kids with more story times, songs and together time.

Parents are busier and busier today and can make choices that may be expedient but not necessarily what's best for the child.

I often see parents running, dog on a leash, ipod in the ears pushing a stroller with a child clearly old enough to be walking and getting exercise. I can only assume that this parent is trying to cram in as many activities as possible into as little time as possible. But what's the outcome? The child doesn't get any exercise, there is very little interaction between parent and child, the parent doesn't have a great run (given all that he or she has to juggle), and I'm not sure how the dog feels about it.

Imagine a different situation. The parent is strolling with the child, they are pointing out interesting things to each other. The ipod and the dog are at home so the parent can focus on the child. Sure, the parent will have to find another time to exercise the dog and get in a run, these activities could even be combined.

If parents could find more time for interactions with their children that did not include a number of other tasks that have to be accomplished, then maybe, just maybe, the child wouldn't need as many material rewards to not act out or "misbehave". Maybe all the child is looking for is attention from her parents and we all know that people who want attention will figure out ways of getting it.

The years that a parent has a child at home are all too short. The years that a child thinks of his parents as perfect and heroic people are even shorter. Why not enjoy those years while you have them?


Jeanne

Information for Parents:
* Zero to Three
* Adelhi University
* Born Learning